Wrapping up the Year

This is the last one I'll be posting this year, and quite possibly the last one in the foreseeable future. My idea file is down to ones I don't want to tackle, I'm writing just before posting (no buffer), and there are a few other projects I'd like to move on to (AutoHTML for one; I'd like to have it reach a fully functional status). I tend to run cynical, rather than sarcastic, but let's see if I can end this on a high note (not one of the really high ones though, once you get more than two lines above the staff it gets really hard to play).

Have you seen those little 20-word blurbs in webcomic directories? the ones that say "this is a comic I made and its really funny and all and I update alot1!!!" They're not as useless as you'd think. Over the past few months, I've developed a system for extracting a true description from them.

First, if any of the following words appears, you can safely write it off: adventures, cool, funny, interesting, insightful, or heroes. "Adventures" and "Heroes" tells you it's either a cliché video game-like story, or yet another improbably escapades of two college students. "Cool" means that the author is short on adjectives (to be fair, it also could be set at the North or South Pole). "Funny" only refers to in-jokes (which you won't get), boring jokes (which you need to be intoxicated to get) or political attacks (which you need to be tending toward extremism to get). "Interesting" refers to how far the comic is from reality, specifically how all the characters are much more square and colored in 256 colors than most people. "Insightful" obviously means it's blatantly political, but without any fact-checking, multiple sides or original ideas.

If that doesn't let you rule out the comics, move on to these tips. If the description takes up more than 5 lines you've just read the entire plot; there is no need to actually read the comics. If the description is only two words, then they don't even know what the plot is yet. Put ones like that on the too check list, if nothing else you'll have a great source of excuses.

To make a good description, place some slightly sarcastic comment that has nothing to do with your comic. "It's a webcomic. What did you expect, online poker?" is a good example. Be careful, you lose 5 points every time you reference the comic you're describing.

Moving on, there is a lot you can tell by the name. If it's in the form of "Character name and Character name," you probably have another flat mate comic. Only a few comics with such a name can be made before the god of clichés begins smiting. Normally that wouldn't be a problem since most webcomics die after two MSPaint-drawn strips, a "Coming Soon," and a "Hiatus" filler. However, some guys (Looking in your direction Mr. Weir) have used up all the allowed good strips. Nowadays, no new comic so titled will be any good.

To title a comic, choose a few random words. Then use a thesaurus to find words with funnier spelling. For example, "Hungry Socket" becomes "Gumptious Bursa." Always keep in mind that the title need not reflect anything about the comic, nor even make sense. If you hide the title well enough, you might even keep people guessing about it really is.

Once you've got the title and description down, you have all the makings of a good comic. No need to ruin things by trying to add plot, characters or any of that pesky artwork. You have no excuse now, the secrets of good webcomic creation are revealed! Be sure to be with us next...whenever when we reveal how to claim stick figure art is merely low-res (for faster download, always think of your readers).