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18 March 05
Here's a little idea to clean up a few problems with the current system of elections. Now, elected officials don't need to worry about what they do in the beginning of their terms, and knowing exactly when the election will occur they can waste our time and theirs campaigning a year in advance. I suggest the implementation of dice-based term sizes.
It works quite simply, at the beginning of October of each year, every elected official must roll a die. If the die comes up with a number greater than the number of years they have served nothing happens, however if the die comes up less than that number an election is held in November (as normal) for that office. Thus officials don't know what year they could be replaced and must always keep from displeasing the voters. Also they only get one month to waste campaigning and will have to spend most of they time in office doing what they're supposed to. Once you reach a number of years equal to the size of the dice, you can no longer roll lower and there must be an election, thus enforcing term lengths.
10 July 04
Contrary to common belief, tortillas are *not* manufactured intentionally, the production of tortillas is actually the work of devout Jewish goblins who are bad at math. Without the needed mathematical skills, the goblins have miscalculated the date of their holidays and are working under the belief that every day is passover. Since motzah is an important part of the celebration, the goblins enter bakeries and squish down loaves of bread (or anything that is bread-ish). Again being bad at math, the goblins flatten more bread than they need which leaves several extras left over. Since the result (a tortilla) is not exactly like motzah (as you may have guessed, these are very incompetent goblins) the bakeries must find some other way to sell them (it would be too big a waste to throw the all out). After the remark "It looks like a turtle rolled over these" the product was named 'tortolla' (short for turtle rolled over) which was eventually perverted into the modern 'tortilla'.
20 June 04
I was paging through the bible recently trying to find a particular reference (In the midst of answering a question, we were trying to figure out something dealing with Abraham and Moses). Anyway, I was thinking, wouldn't the bible be a lot easier to read if all the redundant parts were cut out? Such as we already know that God created the heavens and earth (most religions include that) and a whole bunch of the letters written by the apostles are summaries of earlier books. Not to mention how useful it would be if all the religious zealots who page through old biblical laws (most of which have been superseded by later books or by traditions within the church) didn't have those old texts to annoy us with (I say read Romans 14:10-14, James 4:11-12, Leviticus 19:17 and stop pestering others)...ok, I'm starting to rant again.
A bit sacreligious, but what's the use of something that can't be used as humorous material?
27 January 04
Have you ever wondered why a deck of cards is always missing a card?
Due to conservation laws, for every deck of cards (a set of 54 cards which includes one of each card and two jokers) there must also exist one deck of anti-cards (any set which does not hold 52 unique cards). Since a deck of anti-cards an only be constructed from one (or more) decks of cards, it is impossible to have a complete deck of cards once it is exposed to the environment, as it will immediately be consumed in the creation of a deck of anti-cards to offset the numerous decks of cards in stores and casinos.
12 December 03
Why do writers say "Pools of light" when describing street lamps? I was walking around today and I noticed two type of street lamps. The first was a lantern-type lamp on top of a pole, which provided ambient light everywhere, except for a shadow around the pole. The second type was a pole with a bar reaching out with a light on the end, this almost gave a 'pool of light' except the pole casts a shadow. Though I guess a "Pac-Man of Light" doesn't sound as good in a novel...(But it might be a good comic book (added 16Feb04))
6 October 03
While walking to the library today, I solved the mystery of flying saucers. It became perfectly obvious to me, that they are high-tech clothes dryers. As they rotate, the effects of inertia press the clothes against the outer wall, where the water is absorbed. Since the saucer is moving through Earth's atmosphere, it must generate a lot of heat, further drying the clothes. As you can see, the flying saucer works just like a traditional clothes dryer, by heating and spinning the garments.
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