The Alphabet

Everyone knows how Apple chose their name due to its position in the alphabet. Now politics has that same battleground. When I was paging through the phone book, I saw that 'Abortion' is the first entry in the yellow pages--a sad fact for those of us looking for a new abacus. However 'Abortion Alternatives' comes before 'Abortion Services', a win for the Anti-NoConsequencesToYourActions side. I bet it won't be long before someone discovers 'Abortion Advocacy' and puts the Anti-OurMoralsAreForAll group ahead.

Clearly this type of things should be nipped in the bud. We need to change to ordering of the alphabet every few years. With computers it shouldn't be that hard. We can already map ASCII to EBCDIC, how much trouble would it be to map a new ordering on the letters? There's plenty of advances to be had with a reordered alphabet:

We could make the alphabet song follow a decent tune. No more confusing slurring of LMNOP and maybe someone could get it to rhyme. It's self financing too, I'm sure dozens of record companies would pay to have their new music featured in elementary schools across the country. Maybe in all the turmoil surrounding the deployment of a new song no one would notice if we dropped the extraneous C (That's right programmers, you'll have no choice but the upgrade to D) or Y.

As long as we're ditching letters, lets drop all the vowels too. Y cn ndrstnd wht m wrtng jst fn cnt y? And vowels are dangerous. We understand that well: I can write f_ck and _ss and no one will ever guess I'm writing swear words. This is why the Bible can be considered a good book. All the murder, fratricide, war, slavery etc. is hidden away in the original by Hebrews who understood the power of vowels.